My spine is broken.

So 3 years ago (as of last week actually) on a Friday night I was doing yoga, trying to stretch out what I thought was a tight muscle in my back. I finally got a good stretch going and when I stood up I felt something sort of pop in my lower back. I went to move toward the couch and found I couldn't move my legs. I started to panic. I managed to penguin-waddle over to the couch and sit down when I felt another pop and the pain started. It was the absolute worst pain I have ever experienced in my life and I hope I never have to go through that ever again. So, I called my Mum and told her what had happened. She told me to call Ask-a-nurse. I called them and they said I had pulled a muscle in my back and need to take some aspirin or ibuprofen and lay on a heating pad. So I did. It did no good whatsoever. I was confined to the couch and my boyfriend (now husband) had to help me take baby steps to get to the bathroom. The next day I went to Instant Care who said they thought I had a ruptured disc and promptly sent me to the emergency room. The doctor in the emergency room told me I had pulled a muscle, despite the burning pain running down to my foot in my right leg, gave me a prescription for narcotics and sent me on my way. I was frustrated to say the least. Monday morning I called my doctor's office as soon as they opened and got an appointment to see my doctor. He said he thought it was a ruptured disc and sent me off for an MRI immediately. The MRI showed that my L5-S1 disc had indeed ruptured and was pinching my sciatic nerve on the right side (hence not being able to use my leg) so I was sent off to a Neurosurgeon for evaluation for surgery. I should mention that I was in my last semester of finishing my BA and had a 12 hour load, including 2 art studio classes. SO I tried to put off surgery until the end of the semester. I used a tens unit (electronic muscle stimulation) and narcotics to help me get thorough until May but I couldn't make it. I had to drop all but 2 of my classes since I couldn't drive or walk to class. In March of 2006 I went in for surgery, survived and went home 2 days later after a reaction to the morphine that made me hallucinate and try to rip my skin off. (Now I know...morphine bad...) I healed up thanks to my awesome husband, Mum, and future mother-in-law taking care of me. I was doing fine until the following February when I started having severe pain again. I saw my neurosurgeon and he diagnosed me with osteoarthritis, told me to move someplace warm and gave me 800mg ibuprofen to take. I did so and started PT to help my muscles regain their strength. I've struggled with the arthritis for the past 2 1/2 years, fearing cold weather and long work days. I've cried myself to sleep at night a few times because the pain was so bad. I get charlie horses in my legs constantly, more frequently at night. I finally couldn't take it any more and went to see my PA about the pain. I wanted arthritis medicine rather than pain killers since they weren't working. She prescribed me Mobic to help with the arthritis and sent me to PT again.
I had my first PT appointment on Tuesday (1/13) and it was a life-changing event. The therapist said there was no way arthritis alone was causing all of my symptoms, especially the pain in my leg. She said my disc had to be bulging again. I tried to do some simple exercises and was shaking with pain. She had me stop and hooked me up to an E-Stim machine (Electronic stimulation to help ease the pain) and gave me a heating pad (one of the best things on the face of the planet in my opinion). 15 minutes later I was feeling better. She did some traction on my leg to help take some pressure off the disc and it felt good. I left with a sense of happiness form the pain relief but also a sense of dread. She put me on restrictions of no lifting and no bending over (if I can help it). So I have to learn to ask for help, which is the hardest part for me. I'm quite independent. I'm now paranoid about rupturing the disc again, praying the PT can help me reverse some of the damage done. I don't know if I can go through the pain of the injury and the surgery again. I only have 40% of that disc left and if it were to rupture...well...the remedies for that are not pleasant. Spinal fusion or rods and plates in my back. Not options I want think about at age 27 and I want to have children. So many things to think about.
At any rate, that's my current situation. I muddle through the day and look forward to layign down on my super comfy bed (pillow top + memory foam= OMG comfy) and relaxing with my husband and animals.

01.14.09

011409, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

I wanted to utilize this great linen summer dress so I layered a v-neck sweater over it. I'm very happy with the results and will definitely do this with the red version of this dress that I own!

Linen embroidered dress- Lane Bryant
V-neck sweater with poufy sleeves- Lane Bryant
Tights- ?
Old battered boots- Demonia
Halloween charm bracelet- gift from Mum

01.13.09

011309, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

A new sweater vest and modified turtleneck, both 70% off at Kohl's! <3

V-neck turtleneck: Chaps (omg cheap!)
Long cardigan- Sonoma (also omg cheap!)
Belt- Cato's
Froggy Brooch- Kohl's
Skirt- Via Ebay, lace added by me
Red MJs- Sanitas
Fluffy head- Mr. Bowen

I decided to follow some good advice (thanks Sheila!) and wear the skirt shorter. Rather than take it up I simply pulled it up under my bust and this made it a better length!

01.12.09

011209, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

One of my other dresses from Lane Bryant. I love these! I decided it was too chilly for tights today and went with jeans and my favorite heels instead. My shoes and belt don't match...oh heavens...

Dress- Lane Bryant
Belt- Lane Bryant
Jeans- Right Fit Blue (Lane Bryant)
Brown and Gold heels- Aerosoles via the local antique mall ($8 and brand new!)
Recycled leather cuffs- Local head shop
Fluffy butt- Mr. Bowen

01.09.09

010909, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

I overslept again today. I woke up 20 minutes before I was supposed to be there but I was only 10 minutes late when I walked through the door. I grabbed what was handy and threw it on. I went after work and got my hair cut and I love it!

Hooded cardigan- gift from Mum
Tunic/dress- No Boundaries
Right Fit Blue jeans- LB
Red MJs- Sanitas
Lavender scarf- Vintage (EBay lot)

Mobic

I was a lamepants today and stayed home from work due to my osteoarthritis acting up. I went to the doctor and she started me on a new osteoarthritis medication (Mobic) so hopefully that will start helping soon. The cold weather murders me and I can't afford to not be able to go to work because of it.
Back to the grindstone tomorrow, then the weekend! Huzzah!

01.07.09

010709, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

I froze to death today whereas I burned up yesterday in fewer layers. I knew I should have taken a sweater to work.

Black shirt dress - LB (I own 3 of these and love them.)
Belt- Cato
Black tights- ??
Red MJs- Sanitas
Red, black, white and yellow striped scarf- Vintage (from an Ebay lot)
Blue recycled leather cuff- Local Head Shop

I'm working on getting my hair closer to my natural colour. This is a step in the right direction.


Freyja Mousekin <3 <3 <3

01.06.09

010609 with my new jacket, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

Mr. Bowen was inspecting my boots. This is the new blazer I got for christmas. It's a nice stretch moleskin with belt detailing.

Purple Blazer: Necessities, gift from Mum
Stripey Shirt: Abney park <3
Thin-wale corduroy skirt: Necessary Objects (via Ebay years and years ago, lace added by me)
Purple skull scarf: Gift
Purple tights: Gift ( I think they came from the LB catalog a few years back)
Boots: Ol' battered Demonias

Sans jacket, smiling at my dancing puppies.

01.05.09

010509, originally uploaded by bataleigh.

First day back at work after the break and my first day on first shift. Daylight...not my friend...I nearly overslept and just grabbed what I could to get ready for work. I got this jacket from Mum and Dad for Christmas and love it! I too this pic after I got home form work and I realize now I look a little worse for the wear. Running on 4 hours of sleep will do that I suppose. >.<

Black jacket- Gift from Mum
Teal LS tee- LB
Wide leg denim trousers- LB
Red MJs- Sanitas
Fluffybutt-Mr. Bowen

It's that time of the year when everyone asks about Resolutions. I got asked that at least 4 times at work today and I hadn't actually thought about it. It's probably the first year in more than I care to count that I haven't automatically said "Lose weight". After giving it some thought I decided my resolution this year is to be careful who I trust (especially at work) and cultivate the friendships I know not to be detrimental to my well-being. A lot of times I trust far too easily, openly, blindly and in the end that is not always a good thing. A lot of things that happened last year really opened my eyes up to that. I think of myself as pretty cynical but in reality I'm only half as cynical as I make out to be. I need to toughen up my barriers on a lot of fronts. As for losing weight? Well...that's just a given but I'm not going to beat myself up over it any longer. Things will start happening soon that will aid me in this endeavor and my health will improve because of it. I realize I'll never be a size 6 or 8. I'd be lam blasted at a 14 or...dare-I-say-it...a size 12. BUT I'll not be analyzing and criticizing myself on a daily basis looking for marked weight loss. As long as I don't gain I'm happy.
Simple Resolutions for 2009:
1. Be more cautious in who I trust.
2. Get finances in order. (Ha!)
3. Start dancing again.
4. Start walking my dogs as many days a week as possible. (This will depend on weather, class work and arthritis pain.)
5. Get the house organized. (HaHa!)
6. Get B's or better in both my courses this term.